Searching
by r0seinmisery
Summary: MISS SAIGON FIC. Tam is now 15 and living in Atlanta with Chris and Ellen. He loves them, but struggles to find answers about his real parent(s). Please read and review.
1. Part One

_**Part One**_

_**(Author's Note- Just want to make clear that when Tam refers to his parents, he is usually mentioning Ellen and Chris. Just wanted to clear that up for you. Constructive criticism is welcome- flames aren't.)**_

Tam stared at himself in the mirror. He searched his face for features that resembled his parents. For years, he had believed his was adopted. The fact that his parents were Caucasian and he looked Asian was a huge clue. Tam knew that his father's family came from Ireland and his mother's came from Germany. It didn't add up. Why did he posses such Asian features while they looked stereotypically American?

There was one bit of resemblance Tam could always find. His nose was the same shape as his father's (or maybe his adoptive father). Other than that, there were no similarities. Tam had asked his father if he was adopted, but the answer was always no. Then, Tam asked why he looked different. The answer was always "I'll tell you when you're older."

Tam was older now. He wanted answers.

Tam could remember some of his early childhood. He knew the first year or two of his life was spent with a woman other than his mother. The woman had black hair and held Tam tightly. Tam also remembered a loud noise and blood. The memory of this strange woman was blurry, but Tam thought it important. He had a feeling that might be his real mother. There was also a man. He wasn't as loving, but always nice. Tam remembered this man always wore clothes of a bright neon color. That must have been his real father!

Why did his parents keep this information from him? Were they trying to hide something? Tam thought it was ridiculous. He was nearly fifteen and mature enough to know the truth. Tam decided he would just ask a couple questions at dinner tonight.

Tam wasn't sure if he wanted to know about his real mother. Ellen, the woman who raised him, had always been Tam's hero. She held such a great amount of love for him. She always did more than enough for him. When he was young, she would spoil him rotten. She'd play hide and seek with him, and would always lose on purpose. As Tam grew, she helped him with schoolwork and continued to spoil him. Tam didn't care whether she was his biological mother or not. She had treated him like he was her own.

Tam's (possibly adoptive) father wasn't as loving. He was always a little bit distant. He never really seemed concerned with Tam's happiness. It was almost as if his son was just an unwanted burden. What Tam really wanted to know was who his real father was. Surely the man in the neon clothing was his biological dad. Hopefully, at dinner Tam would have his questions answered.


	2. Part Two

_**(Mizamour- Email me about borrowing concepts. I'm pretty sure it'll be okay, I just want to know what they are. Thanks for reviewing ;-) )**_

"Tam, come and eat dinner!" Ellen yelled.

"I'm coming! I'll be there in a second," Tam shouted back. Tam ran out of his bedroom and down the stairs. He went into the kitchen and inhaled the scent of dinner. It was fried chicken and mashed potatoes- his favorite. He jumped into a seat and the table and spooned potatoes onto his plate.

"You're going to get sick if you eat that much!" Ellen warned Tam when she noticed the large portions of food he was taking.

"I have an excuse. I didn't eat much today," Tam replied.

"You wouldn't be so hungry if you had eaten breakfast this morning!" Ellen had tried to get Tam to take a few bites of toast before he went to school, but he refused to eat breakfast.

Chris walked through the kitchen door. He didn't smile at his son or wife. He barely even acknowledged his family. All his did was wrinkle his nose. "We're eating chicken and potatoes again? That's all you ever cook. Why don't you make something new for a change?"

Ellen didn't respond. She looked down at her plate. Tam reached under the table and squeezed her hand. She couldn't hide the hurt she felt. Chris was never kind to her anymore. Ever since Kim's death he had become a monster towards her. Chris claimed he could never love anyone but Kim and that Ellen was the next best thing. Sometimes, Ellen wondered why she fell for him. Obviously he didn't return her feelings of love.

The meal went on in silence. Chris and Ellen made no eye contact. Tam tried to make the situation less awkward by talking about school. He mentioned what grade he got on his Geometry test to lighten the mood. Tam thought once his (adoptive) parents heard that he had the top score in his class they'd smile. He thought wrong.

Chris quickly finished his meal and began to leave the table. Tam couldn't hold back any longer. He had to ask his (adoptive) parents now.

"What happened to my real parents?" He blurted out. Ellen quickly gasped. What was she going to do? She couldn't tell the boy that his mother committed suicide. That would upset him too much. And Chris… Ellen didn't want to think about Chris's reaction. He could hardly even mention Kim's name without bursting into tears.

"You aren't adopted. I'll tell you about your past when you're older," Chris said.

"I need to hear them now! You can't keep pretending that I'm your real son. I don't look like either of you. You keep saying you'll tell me the story when I'm older. Well, I _am _older."

Ellen stood up and went to calm Tam down. "Honey, why don't we talk about this later? We'll have a nice family talk after you finish your dinner."

"I can't wait that long! This is my history- my past. Stop trying to keep it from me!" Tam raised the volume of his voice.

"Go to your room Tam. Don't come out until I tell you to. You need to learn how to respect your parents!" Chris yelled, now infuriated with the boy. He had little patience, and Tam was trying it.

"You aren't my father! You aren't my real mother! You can't tell me what to do!" Tam angrily jolted out of the room. He ran to the house door and went outside. He was going to run. He didn't know where, but he had to run away from his house.

"I think I'm going to bring Tam's dinner to his room. I'll be back in a few seconds." Ellen grabbed Tam's half eaten dinner and walked upstairs. She walked into Tam's room and saw there was no one there. She left the dinner on his desk and climbed into his bed. Ellen closed her eyes and drifted into the past…

* * *

"_You have to decide now. Is Tam going back to America with you or to a Bui Doi camp?" John asked his friend Chris. Now that Kim had passed on, there was no chance that she could care for the boy. _

"_I think we should take him Chris. I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life if we don't," Ellen said, running her hand through the young boy's hair. He seemed so innocent and oblivious to what was going on. He did not know that his mother had taken her own life or that his future was being decided._

"_I don't want him. He's just another reminder for me that Kim is dead. It's his entire fault! If he wasn't here, Kim wouldn't have just shot herself! I don't want the boy. You can take him John, you love kids! I don't. I can't be around someone who looks so much like her. You understand, right buddy?" Chris explained. John shook his head and left the room._

"_This isn't Tam's fault. He never did anything wrong. This is your son Chris! You can't abandon him. This is what Kim wanted, isn't it?" Ellen begged Chris to take Tam to America. She thought the boy was adorable. _

"_Yeah… she would want this. I'll take him back, but that doesn't mean I have to like him." Chris finally consented. Tam would go to America and live the life Tam dreamed of. The little boy reached for his father's hand, but Chris shoved him away. Ellen shook her head and picked up Tam. He'd live the life Kim wanted. If Chris wouldn't love him, she would._

* * *

Ellen woke up from her dream. How was she supposed to tell Tam his (real and not adoptive) father didn't want him? 


	3. Part Three

_**(Author's Note- I noticed most people want Chris to be nice to Tam. If I did that, there would be no plot. The way I see it (this was mentioned in chpt. 2) Tam is a painful memory of Kim. Chris thinks Tam caused her death. You'll see what's going to happen with Chris soon (I promise it's a good thing!), but if I suddenly made him compassionate, I'd have no plot left. My goal is to put this story at a new perspective.Thank you for the kind reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Here's a little insight into Tam's social life...)**_

Tam felt sweat drip down on his far head. His calf muscles were beginning to feel strain. He needed water badly. For what seemed like an hour, Tam had been running. He didn't know where he was running to. All Tam knew was that he had to run. That always seemed to relax Tam. While running, he had time to reflect and think.

He thought about many things. He wondered if he'd be able to finish his dinner when he got home. His stomach was beginning to growl. Tam wanted to know if he did well on his biology project. He figured he would pull off a C if he was lucky. Sciences were never a strong point. Tam also thought about his family. He wanted to know if his father loved him as much as the Hawaiian shirts he would wear. Tam wanted to know where his (real) father was now. Did he need his son to visit him and bring joy into life? Tam's thoughts were interrupted by another runner.

"I always thought you were perfect for the track team," a feminine voice said to Tam. He recognized the voice right away. It was the somewhat squeaky voice of Lily Banks. She had been running on the track team for a year or so and managed to win a few awards throughout the season. She wasn't the fastest and could only handle short distances due to a lack of endurance. Lily had been asked a number of times why she was so dedicated to track even though she wasn't a perfect runner. She simply responded by saying "This is what I love to do."

"I don't like competitive sports. I don't think track is really for me," Tam said trying to pick up speed. It's not that he didn't like Lily. He always considered her to be a nice girl, but he just couldn't stand her at times. Tam couldn't put up with her high pitched and highly annoying speaking voice. Most girls had gone through a small change that produced more maturity in their voices. This never happened to Lily.

"But it is! Come on Tammy, I know you'd do well. You could even become captain or something if you tried. Hey! Wait up for me! Why won't you slow down? Tammy, where are you going?" Lily yelled out, trying to catch up to Tam. He sped up the moment Lily called him Tammy. That nickname- which he received during sixth grade from a certain female admirer- always put Tam in a bad mood. He had to get away from Lily.

Lily stopped running. Tam had gotten away. She had no chance of catching up. The girl had lost her breath in the five short minutes she had been running. She didn't have to energy to catch up to Tam, who was already turning the street corner. Lily let out a painful sigh and turned back to go home. "Why won't you notice me Tam?" Lily whispered to no one in particular.


	4. Part Four

_**(I'm back and have a new username. Why, you ask. It's because most of my web aliases are r0seinmisery and it will be easier for people to recognize me and such. Sorry if this confuses you. I'm sure you'll get used to it eventually ;-) )**_

Up until fourth grade, Tam had been the only Asian student in his upscale Catholic school. Tam used to cry because he was different. As he once put it, some people didn't like him because he had differently shaped eyes. In Atlanta, some people had been raised with prejudices against non whites. Just as many people were blind to the difference, but it didn't matter. Someone hated Tam because he was Asian, and it made him cry. Of course, his tears would be discreet. Imagine the humiliation of someone finding out that Tam cried! It wasn't at all masculine and it would ruin Tam's reputation forever.

That all changed when the Japanese girl Sarah came to school. Tam saw somebody who looked like him! He was ecstatic. Now he wouldn't feel so left out. There would be somebody else who had differently shaped eyes. Sarah was a year younger than Tam since she had skipped a grade. She was also much shorter. The attractive girl would never reach Tam's height, or even come close for that matter. In the height department, Tam took after his six foot one father.

Tam and Sarah had become close friends. They shared secrets. For instance, Sarah told Tam that her real name was Mika. Her mother legally changed it because she wanted her daughter's name to sound more American. Sarah, or Mika if one preferred that, told Tam how she wants to move to Tokyo when she's older. Tam told her his suspicions about adoption. They had remained friends, nothing more. Tam wanted more at times, but Sarah was content with just staying friends.

Tam, sweaty from his run, found himself ringing her doorbell again. Sarah rushed to open the door. Smells of sushi and fish immediately greeted Tam. Sarah's mother owned the best Japanese restaurant in this part of Atlanta. Whenever Tam visited his friend, he was sure to have a nice meal.

"Hi Tam. I'm eating dinner right now, so do you think you could come back later?" Sarah asked.

"What? You aren't going to invite me in or anything?" Tam joked, knowing he wanted to dig into the tempura in the center of the kitchen table.

"Doesn't your mother feed you at all? Look, I'll get a plate out for you and a fork. I can't let you use chopsticks again. You made such a mess last time you used them," Sarah motioned for Tam to enter her home. Tam sat down and began to help himself to the tempura shrimp. He licked his lips and dug in. Tam polished off his food and turned to Sarah. He was going to talk about who he thought his real parents were. If there was anyone he could speak to about this, it was her.

Just as he was going to open his mouth, the doorbell rang. Sarah opened the door to reveal an angry looking Chris. He gave a smile to Sarah. He always liked the girl. She studied hard and was a good influence on Tam. He marched over to the table and spoke to Tam in a stern voice.

"Where have you been Tam? You had me worried sick. I was looking all over the place for you. Why did you run off?" Chris questioned his son. When Tam just shrugged his shoulders, Chris decided to take a nicer approach. "Look, why don't you thank Sarah for the hospitality and come home? I think we need to have a nice long family chat."

Tam's ears perked up when he heard the words "family chat". Were they finally going to discuss his parents? Tam gave Sarah a quick hug and ran out the door. He was finally going to hear the answers he had searched for.


	5. Part 5

Lils: I can end the chapter there! Just watch me! I'm updating nice and quickly just for you.

Eponine: If one would use a generalization, they would say in the deep south in a state like Georgia, there is racism. Now, I don't want angry people from Georgia saying it's a lie. It probably is, but this is a generalization from past actions in the area. When someone is different, usually there will be prejudice against him. Also, thank you for pointing out I wrote differently shaped hair instead of EYES. All in all, I'm glad you enjoy the fic and I'm sure you'll like Lily's connection to Tam.

JeanMarie: There are no Saigon fics out there! It's tragic! I'm so glad you enjoy this story! I was really unsure what the response to it would be.

* * *

Tam rushed to his home and through the door. It was time! All of the secrets would be revealed. Now, he would understand his past. Not only that, he would have a past. The excitement was too much to bear. Tam sped to the living room, thrilled about the upcoming talk. Upon arrival to the room, he stopped suddenly.

"What are you doing here Lily?" Tam rolled his eyes. When would she get the message? Tam had no feelings besides dislike for her.

"My dad came here to talk to your dad. It's something about Vietnam. I'm assuming your dad fought too?" Lily answered, trying to hide the hurt in her voice. All she could do was hope Tam hadn't heard the wobble in it. She knew he couldn't stand her, but she wanted that to change. She wanted to be (at least) friendly with him.

"He isn't my real father," Tam quickly replied. He immediately regretted it. He had trouble speaking to Ellen, the woman who raised him, about these family matters. Why on earth had he told a girl who he hated his biggest secret?

"Oh. Are you adopted?" Lily didn't wait for a response. "I was." She decided against telling Tam the story of her life. It wasn't the smartest thing to do. His reaction may not be the kindest.

"Really? What happened to your real parents?"

"I was born in France. My mother was American and spending the summer in a foreign country for fun. And I assume she fell in love with a Frenchman and I was conceived. She didn't want to fly back to America until I was born. She didn't want to risk her pregnancy. I guess she just assumed the Frenchman would marry be when he found out about me. He wasn't and left her," Lily's voice began to break. This part of the story was always the hardest to tell. "After I was born, my mother went crazy. She just couldn't live without the Frenchman. She… killed herself. Her best friend from college came to take me to America. In her suicide note she said she wanted that." Lily's face started to crumple and turn red. She was going to cry.

"Are you ever going to look for you father?" Tam asked. He felt a little guilty for making Lily tell the story. It was obviously painful to know you're the reason your mother committed suicide. It must be so hard for Lily to live with that.

Lily shook her head no. "My adoptive father is the best that I could ever ask for. He loves me and keeps me safe. That's all I wanted. I never want to find my real father. As far as I'm concerned, John is my true father."

John and Chris walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. "Come on Lily, we need to get going. See you around Chris. Take good care of Tam, you hear?" John gave Tam a high five and left with his adoptive daughter.

"Dad, have you heard about Lily's mother?" Tam gave a blow by blow account of Lily's story. "I feel so bad for her. Maybe I'll be nicer to her. She'd like that. It must be so hard for her to live with that story. If that ever happened to me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself! I'd be so miserable. Wouldn't that be horrible?"

The color drained from Chris' face. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure giving the talk to Tam tonight was a great idea.


End file.
